


This Kind Of Thing

by starrylitme



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Anxiety, Awkwardness, Dysfunctional Relationships, Established Relationship, First Time Blow Jobs, M/M, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 04:27:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6689134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their relationship was difficult but Komaeda made it look easy.</p>
<p>Hinata struggles with that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Kind Of Thing

**Author's Note:**

> So it's Komaeda's birthday. Thus I am posting not one but two smut fics. This one was actually finished for a while. It was a request back in like, holy shit, November, I think? Oh my god. I'm so sorry, whoever you were. The request was "HinaKoma first time blowjobs" and I'm pretty sure they wanted something cute.
> 
> ...Uh.
> 
> I'm *really* sorry, whoever you are.
> 
> A-At least this isn't angsty!! And there are some cute moments I think! It's just... Komaeda is Komaeda. Speaking of which, happy birthday Komaeda. You get this and something else. Let's not talk about the something else for now.

Their relationship was difficult but Komaeda made it look easy. Always smiling, always walking by his side as though it were the simplest place to be, and brushing against him in slight motions perfectly designed to look accidental. It was part of what made Komaeda so calming—and also so frustrating.

Because sometimes, _sometimes_ he has to second-guess everything from Komaeda’s easy compliments to Komaeda’s ease at being with him—at his doing anything Hinata asked as if it were an honor. As if it were only natural to be that way. Of course, Komaeda’s always been helpful—always made it a habit to go out of his way for others, not just Hinata but for every single one of their classmates and even Usami when she asks—but, _just_...

Hinata’s the only one who asks for kisses. He would hope he’s the only one. Especially when it’s not _just_ kisses he asks for.

It’s still nerve-wracking to think about, all of Komaeda’s babble about how natural it was in regards to the average teenaged boy’s hormones— _and god, wasn’t it awkward as hell to get a talk like_ that _from his boyfriend?_ —and it’s almost an understatement to say the idea of _it_  still makes Hinata nervous.

Even though they’ve done it. Maybe. More than a few times.

Komaeda made it seem easy.

It was frustrating.

Maybe he’s not assured enough for a relationship after all. But it’s not like he can just bow out gracefully when he’s in so deep. Not when there’s always something about Komaeda that draws him in.

Because there was _always_ something about Komaeda that drew him in. Like his smile. Like those wispy curls that looked like they’d be so soft to the touch—which they were. Like those slim shoulders. That slim waist. And yes, he did rather like the shape of his ass too, especially under those tight-fitting jeans he wore. Thank _you_ , Hanamura, for also noticing that on the day Komaeda had to hang his coat up to dry—now please stop _mentioning_ it.

There was more than just that, of course. Like his hands. They always looked elegant from the long fingers to the neatly filed down nails. Hinata himself had the worst habit of biting his nails, and sometimes peeling his cuticles until they bled. But Komaeda’s hands always looked so _neat_ , so _in order_.

He thought about those hands a lot—like about how _cold_ they often were wrapped in his own, especially after a rainy day, how Komaeda liked to gesture with them, how they looked curled against Komaeda’s cheek or— _splayed_ against Hinata’s chest, how _delicate_ they were when brushing against him be it his arm, his shoulder, his face because they always felt so _nice_ cupping his face or— _or wrapped around his dick..._

Wait. _Fuck._ He’s going to start thinking about _that_ again, isn’t he?

Obviously.

Because Komaeda made the notion of touching some other guy’s dick look so easy, _didn’t he_? He made it look just so _easy_. His smile doesn’t even shift when he does—if anything he looks all the more feverishly excited, which never fails to make Hinata feel like his stomach’s doing backflips. And Komaeda just beams at his flushed face, adoring, reverent, all too eager to start moving that hand and stroking him...

And, yeah, it made for a good fantasy to jerk off to. That’d be the most of it...except his mind usually ended up wandering _further_.

It wasn’t enough that he imagined holding Komaeda’s dick in his own hand— _which he actually did, once, when it was just a sloppy hasty session where they were both jerking each other off and he never quite forgot the look on Komaeda’s face so maybe he tried it again later, and again after that but_ —somehow, that wasn’t really enough. Especially since Komaeda was always way too happy to go further.

Komaeda was more than happy to let Hinata fuck him. With his fingers. With his dick. Hinata can’t count the number of times he had to cover the other’s mouth as he thrust into him, only to end up with Komaeda sucking on his fingers and moaning even more. And, god, what _else_ could he do at that?

It’s hard to think. It’s harder to stop thinking after it’s all over—about things like, _am I really in over my head here_ , _is this really something I should be doing with Komaeda of all people_ , _what even_ are _we_ , and _fuck, it felt so good I want to do it again. And **again**. _ But.

But there’s more to it than that. He might just wonder, far too often, what it’d be like if their positions were reversed. What it’d be like if he was the one squirming under Komaeda, if Komaeda could just _fuck_ him. What it’d be like if, instead, Hinata could suck him off and listen to the intoxicating ways Komaeda would moan and the ways he might even try to muffle his moans.

Because Komaeda made that look so easy. Instinctual, even, like getting on his knees had something to do with his life’s purpose...or something. Honestly, it was kind of creepy and definitely unsettling, especially with how Komaeda always beamed up at him like—like a _dog_. Panting, quick to please, and yet so docile when Hinata so much as raised his voice.

Maybe _that_ was part of it—the way Komaeda could get so _meek_. So much like this was _just_ —the way it was _supposed_ to be rather than the way he **_wanted_** it— _and yes, Komaeda still_ wanted _it, he wanted it a_ lot _, Hinata could at least tell, **but**_ —Hinata didn’t like how much it felt like, no matter how much Komaeda pleaded him to go harder or how eager Komaeda was to wrap his lips around his cock, there was always that underlying current of how Komaeda might be doing this all for the sake of Hinata’s own pleasure rather than a mutual need.

And that’s really the most unsettling thing about this whole affair, isn’t it?

Like it’d be any different.

* * *

This time isn’t that different from the other ones. Hinata was bored out of his mind while flipping through his notes so Komaeda playfully offered to ‘entertain’ him for a bit. Take said mind off things and help him unwind so that he wasn’t a bottled mess of exhaustion and stress.

Hinata was so used to such things that agreement came to him almost thoughtlessly, along with pushing his thoughts aside to go lay on the bed next to his grinning boyfriend. The ensuing string of kisses came far too easy, but really, Komaeda was the more active participant.

Like he really was just a source of ‘entertainment’.

“Komaeda,” he breathed, against the other’s lips, low with a groan as he felt the curve of Komaeda’s palm against his groin. “Wait. Wait, please.”

“Hm?” Komaeda curiously blinks at him, and he in return eyes those gray-greens with unfairly pretty and long pale lashes. “Oh. Changed your mind, Hinata-kun?”

Hinata helplessly shrugged, averting his gaze shamefully. Komaeda smiled, pulling away from him with a giggle and a soft, light hum. “That’s okay. You should just rest after all, so...” He pushes himself off, moving to strand from the bed. “I’ll get going so you can... Rest?”

Komaeda doesn’t get far when Hinata’s hand is locked tight around his wrist, even when Hinata’s still having trouble looking at him. Hinata’s face is flushed red, from his nose to both his ears, and his lips are trembling.

“Hinata-kun.” Komaeda’s voice is fond, but still rather quizzical. “Did you change your mind again? So indecisive. That’s a troubling trait to have.”

“I just...” He swallows, his mouth feeling far too dry as he forced out. “I just want you. I always just want you, Komaeda.”

“Oh, thank you,” Komaeda laughed, sitting back beside him with the brightest of smiles. “It’s so nice to hear that—even if I don’t deserve it.”

“Don’t say that,” Hinata pleaded. “That’s not true.”

“Eh but isn’t it?” Head cocked to the side, his boyfriend was still giggling childishly. “Hinata-kun, you’re acting so strange. Are you okay? Has the stress really gotten to you? That’s no good at all.”

“It’s not that,” he denied, quietly, moving so that he could tightly grip Komaeda’s hand in both of his own. “I’ve just...been thinking. You do a lot for me, don’t you, Komaeda?”

“Of course! Not only am I your classmate but also your friend and lover!” Komaeda seemed so proud of this, like it was some achievement he could have only dreamed of beforehand. Hinata’s attempted smile twitched as he went on. “It’s only natural that I assist to the best of my abilities, Hinata-kun. It’s the _least_ someone like me can do.”

“I don’t think so,” Hinata muttered, squeezing Komaeda’s hand in his own. “I really, really appreciate it. And I’m glad...that I not only met you but got to be... _close_ with you...”

“That’s really nice of you to say!” Komaeda couldn’t have looked more radiant with the exclamation. He couldn’t have been more endearing with how he fidgeted afterwards, running his fingers through his white hair with a blush tinting his face. “It’s really embarrassing, too, Hinata-kun. My heart’s racing so much it might just give out. But I’m really happy. Really.”

“Are you?” he can’t help but ask, frightfully small. “Are you _really_ , Komaeda?”

“Hm? Yes.” Komaeda’s smiling at him, eyes twinkling and still blushed so prettily. “Why would you ask? Hinata-kun, you’re _really_ acting strange.”

Hinata’s quiet for a moment, pulling his hands back. Komaeda shifts to face him better, and it occurs to him, dully, just how different their demeanors are right now. How Komaeda really does look happy and content, even if he’s wondering what’s going through his mind...compared to Hinata, who’s doing his best to stifle all those uncertainties and anxieties that come with not understanding what goes through a loved one’s head.

Just another way he and Komaeda were...unbalanced.

Hinata’s now empty hands curled into fists.

“...Hinata-kun?” Both Komaeda’s smile and blush finally faded, concern getting the better of him. “Are you sure that you’re... okay?”

Hinata doesn’t answer. But he already knows Komaeda isn’t really expecting one. He had paused, after all, once Hinata gripped his hip and squeezed, sucking in his breath as he did. Komaeda’s legs are folded delicately, close against himself and with only the slightest of dips between his thighs. Still enough for Hinata to dig his fingers into, of course. It’d be easy to pry Komaeda’s legs open.

So easy it’s all the more intimidating.

Even though the curve from his boyfriend’s waist to his hips to his legs really is such a _beautiful_ thing. How’d he ever get to be so lucky?

Hinata almost chokes on his laugh, as forced as the sound was in the first place, and then takes a deep, deep breath.

“Komaeda... Is this...okay?” His fingers press into that dip, running over the curve of an inner thigh before brushing against the other’s crotch. Hinata’s holding his breath as he tugged down Komaeda’s zipper—and Komaeda wasn’t saying a _word_ , making him look up, heart pounding loud in his ears. “Komaeda?”

Komaeda’s expression is a blank one, lips parted and jaw slack. It felt like it took way longer than it should have for him to seemingly register Hinata staring at him, wide-eyed and terrified, and that usual smile slipped back across his lips. Except. That smile wasn’t as calm as his usual one. More tense. More uncertain.

“Of course it’s okay.” The agreement comes out as instinctual as ever, and Hinata frowns as Komaeda, falsely, cheerfully goes on. “I mean, ah, if that’s what Hinata-kun wants, of course—I’m... I’m up for anything as long as...”

Hinata pulled his hand away, sighing heavily. “But you don’t _want_ this, do you, Komaeda?”

“No, no!” The other immediately shook his head quickly, edging on hysterical. “No, that’s wrong! It’s—It’s nothing like that! I was startled, yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m not okay with...”

“Just because you’re _okay_ with it,” Hinata bluntly cut him off with a headshake of his own, “doesn’t mean you _want_ it. It’s okay if you don’t. I mean it.”

“That’s...wrong...” Stumbling a bit for once. It kind of stings actually, especially as Komaeda continues to insist, “No... No, Hinata-kun, you really have it wrong... Please don’t misunderstand me...”

“What am I misunderstanding?”

Komaeda’s soft features twist sharply, trembling, and bites his lower lip before shifting his expression into more of a childish pout. “You’re misunderstanding.” Simple. Quick. And then... “That you look at me is already more than enough to make me happy.”

Hinata blinks back at him, quietly asking, “So you’re happy?”

“I’m not answering that.” Komaeda’s look firmly soured with a huff. “You, Hinata-kun, should learn to pick up on the mood without me having to explain everything. It’d be better for you. It helps exercise your brain more.”

_...So he_ is _happy, then._ He’s a bit flustered at that response, but can’t help but chuckle. “So I should pay more attention to you, is that it?”

“My, what a particular way of wording that...” Komaeda muttered, almost half to himself, especially as he went on, “Hinata-kun’s acting quite suspiciously.”

“Sorry, sorry,” The apologies are only half-sincere and with a smile as Hinata cups and strokes the other’s thigh, sighing as Komaeda shivered at the touch. “Let me make it up to you?”

Komaeda must have recognized those words given how he stiffened. Hinata expected he would—especially when they’d normally be something _he’d_ say. Watching Komaeda’s face intently and carefully, he once again brushes his fingers against the other’s groin, dipping his fingers through those unzipped pants.

It’s really kind of awkward. And Komaeda had made it look so easy. Komaeda doesn’t even look at ease right now, either, and Hinata’s really starting to wonder as he pushes himself to continue. Komaeda’s not particularly warm against his fingers. His skin’s always been softer, smoother, maybe. That’s the case here too, though he feels how Komaeda’s dick does harden as he pulls it out carefully, wrapping his fingers around the base and swallowing as the length is exposed to his gaze.

He’s still a lot softer than Hinata would be if their positions were reversed. That’s fine. _He..._ He can change that. Probably. His mouth feels so dry right now though and that’s not a promising sign at all. _Fuck. What am I even **thinking** this is....just—_

His eyes flicker towards Komaeda’s face and those thoughts still in place. Komaeda’s cheeks are tinted a lovely pink, his lips pressing tightly together with a shimmering gaze expecting at least _something_ —even if neither of them were sure what. Just like that, Hinata released the breath he didn’t even realize he was holding, wet his lips, and leaned forward to peck that precious, trembling mouth.

Komaeda jerked a bit with his hand, the movement sudden and Hinata quickly apologized before trying to stroke him more gently, and his laugh is a bit pained as he tries to calm himself—and maybe even calm Komaeda down too, even though... “I don’t even know how you’d _like_ it. Komaeda, you do, uh, do this, right?”

“Well, no.” Hinata should be glad that Komaeda is replying to him. “No, I don’t have anyone else for this, Hinata-kun.”

“Oh, _god_ , Komaeda, that’s not what I—”

“I don’t care.” The words are quick enough to give him whiplash, and Komaeda’s stare is unexpectedly sharp. “When it comes to me, I don’t really care. I don’t...care to know either.”

_So we’re both learning then. That’s...really kind of sad._

“Well, I care,” Hinata returned, as matter-of-factly as he could manage, even while stuttering. “Since I want you to feel good and all.”

“You really are nice, Hinata-kun.” _It’s not **about** being nice,_ he thought about snapping back but that smile on Komaeda’s face silenced him before the words could even form on his tongue. “But, if it’s you, I’m up for anything, so don’t worry so much.”

_Again wording it like that..._

“Hey, Komaeda,” _Do you even understand? Or is it me? I don’t want to just..._ “Tell me if this feels good, okay?”

Komaeda’s breath hitches as his hand starts moving, trying to be both steady and careful—not even sure about how hard he was supposed to squeeze. Watching that otherwise pale, reddening face intently for any hint of pain and, once Komaeda let out a soft groan, he stilled for just a moment and let his gaze fall to the dick in his hand.

Clear liquid bubbled at the tip. Thoughtlessly, he pressed his thumb into it, into the slit, and Komaeda makes a sound that’s more muffled, softer, too, so he’s not entirely sure what it was. But Komaeda’s voice, almost like a whisper, sounded almost pleading. “Hinata-kun...”

“I’m...” Hinata swallowed hard, stealing a glance at his boyfriend’s blushing face and steeling himself. “I’m gonna try this... You should...lay down or something...”

He’s startled by Komaeda’s fingers playing with his hair, hand curving against his ear, and the sigh in Komaeda’s voice. “I should. I don’t think I will though. I like seeing you, so...”

“Your back’s going to get sore.” Hinata interrupted, impressed with himself that he didn’t stutter. “So I don’t want to hear you whining later or...”

“I’m okay with that. A little soreness is...a cheap payment, you know?”

_No, I don’t. But I know how you are. I’m not even surprised._

He even laughs, almost absent-mindedly, and swallows hard. Rather than distracting himself with the thought of Komaeda’s smile in his voice, he needed to get started. Once he did, maybe it’d get easier. He hoped.

Maybe he was holding on a bit too hard as he tugged it slightly towards him as he leaned in. Komaeda didn’t make a sound— _maybe he was holding his breath or just...just smiling calming as he tended towards with that hint of expectation and_ god _, Hinata hated letting him down so_ —he just gave the head a tentative lick first. He could only barely taste the bitterness he expected.

But he felt Komaeda shiver, and that was more than encouraging enough to go further, fitting his mouth around and taking him in. _Easy does it,_ he thought, and it wasn’t really that difficult, either. Maybe he should be moving faster, forcing it down and making Komaeda cry out for once. It’d probably hurt, but that’d be fine—

_...or he’d completely choke and ruin the moment._ Komaeda would be hard-pressed to let him attempt this again if that happened. Better not risk it. Even though he’d like to try it just once. Just to hear how he’d sound like that—because Hinata knows how _good_ it feels, how he just couldn’t help but be loud and lewd, and bury his fingers deeper in soft white curls.

Though Komaeda’s not touching his hair anymore. _Well then._

He bobbles his head, trying whatever he could think of to get the other to respond. Licking down his length, sucking the tip, stroking what he didn’t get in his mouth, maybe making a bit of a mess out of himself—Komaeda, as easy as he made it, also did it as _messily_ as possible so he wasn’t concerned—and maybe, just maybe, Hinata let his teeth graze him just the slightest bit, just to feel how Komaeda’s hips fought back a jerk.

_Dammit, Komaeda._

He really should just bite him.

Opening his eyes, he noticed those pale hands were clenched in the sheets. Trembling. Every bit of him was trembling. Pulling back, Hinata pressed a kiss to his inner thigh and nipped the surface.

“Komaeda,” he starts, almost sounding dull and exasperated. “I thought you wanted to look at me?”

Komaeda shook his head, eyes screwed tight but forcing a smile and a laugh all the same. “S-Sorry, Hinata-kun, I just...got blindsided, I suppose? You really shouldn’t have...”

“I want you to look at me,” he stated, gripping a bony hip tight as he jerked the other off, pressing his thumb along the vein and watching Komaeda flinch, falter, and... “I’m not doing this just because I want to.”

Komaeda swallows around the same time he has his lips wrapped around his dick again. His tongue is flat against the head, and it’s then Hinata really thinks about how sour the taste is. How once, when he tasted himself without really thinking—he nearly gagged from the grossness of it and this wasn’t that bad.

Komaeda was always so eager, though. He really wondered about that a lot.

Whether it was impulse or determination, Hinata took in as much as he could before feeling like he’d choke and hollowed out his cheeks as he sucked. The sound Komaeda made then was something else. And Hinata found himself squeezing him around the base, all while he delicately stroked around his grip and drags his tongue up the underside of the other’s cock, noting just how much it swelled.

Noting Komaeda’s face with a quick, attempting to be subtle glance—Komaeda’s swollen lips, pressing tightly together and graciously not biting them, his heavily lidded eyes, those fluttering, pretty white lashes of his— _they really contrasted so beautifully against that blush, didn’t they...?_

 “Hinata-kun,” he whines, and Hinata notes his hand clenching tighter in the sheets, the slickness of his mouth as he groans from Hinata pressing his thumb hard against his length as he stroked it. In the back of his mind, he idly wondered if it hurt, but Komaeda’s expression was **_far too_** —“ _Hiii_ nata-kun...”

When Hinata lets him go, Komaeda instantly lets out a wretched groan followed by a sharp hiss.

“Komaeda...” His brain went completely blank, and he couldn’t even really think anymore, instead pleading—probably—“ _Nagito_...”

Komaeda grabs his hand in a tight vice-like grip to pull it back against his dick, shaking his head firmly, and meeting his gaze with a glare.

“Hinata-kun,” he huffed, squeezing his hand around in his own. “Come on. Please. I was so close—it’s so rude to stop when I had been so close. Please... Don’t say my name like that.”

 His voice had gotten so quiet towards the end, dropping to a whisper with that last plea. Sounding almost fragile. Or vulnerable. Hinata blinked, not fully understanding, but—well, despite the position, that look on Komaeda’s face once again had him wrapped around the other’s finger.

It was so easy for _Komaeda Nagito_ , wasn’t it? His boyfriend. His.

And yet.

“I really don’t understand you sometimes,” Hinata murmured, lowly, squeezing and watching intently as Komaeda shivers, as he lets out a sort of relieved little sigh. “I want to. I want to more than almost anything.”

“Ah, almost?” Komaeda echoes, too lightly to be amused though he still suspected that was the inflection. “You’re funny, Hinata-kun.”

“You’re frustrating.” Hinata practically laughs, harsh and painful, but he resumes stroking the other’s cock. Carefully in spite of everything. “You’re so frustrating that it’s sometimes really kind of fucked up.”

Komaeda hums, tilting his head to the side, eyeing him fondly but almost with a sort of absence that made him feel kind of absurd. And wasn’t it? It’s not like Komaeda’s going to grace him with all the answers when he’s... _like this_...

Ah, right.

“Nagito,” he murmurs, dipping his head to take him back into his mouth, gripping what didn’t fit and curling his fingers deep into the protrusion of his boyfriend’s sharp hip. Despite the bitter taste, he eagerly repeated the name, muffling it, the vibration making Nagito groan. Making him squirm again, but this time set on seeing things through.

It shouldn’t take much longer.

“Hinata-kun,” Nagito gasps. There’s a touch of irritation in the breathy sound. But it’s more choked up than anything. A hand grips his shoulder. He does pause for a minute, wondering if he’s going to get shoved off. But Nagito just digs his fingers in to the point they hurt. Holds on tight as though he were a lifeline. “Hinata-kun... _please_...”

That pushes him to take in as much as he can without nearly gagging. Even as focused as he is, he still feels the pain in how Nagito’s nails bite into his shoulder. But he also picks up far too vividly on how the other gasps. Sharp yet soft—an all too familiar sound that usually preceded his climax.

 Even though he thought he was ready for it, he still barely avoids choking. It is...unpleasant to swallow it all down as good as he can. Yet another thing Komaeda Nagito made look easy. He just has to manage and hope for the best.

_It’s frustrating._ Hinata couldn’t help but think sourly as he wiped the mess from his mouth and licked it all away. That feeling faded quickly once he realized that Nagito wasn’t holding onto his shoulder anymore—that at some point, his grip had gone limp and slipped off. Yet the marks left from his nails still stung. A little.

Nagito looked as though he were in a daze. His eyes had a bit of a glaze to them, and Hinata couldn’t help but wave his hand in front of them worriedly. “Hey, Nagito?”

Thankfully, Nagito finally blinked a few times, perking up before sighing and slumping back against the headboard. Even though it had to be uncomfortable, it didn’t show. Hinata huffed at that.

“So,” he began, clearing his throat and still tasting bitterness and salt. “How was that? Good? Or...?”

“What could I compare that to?” Nagito asked, seemingly to Hinata and to himself. He shook his head, and giggled a bit, shoulders quivering as he drew his legs in close. “I had never even dared to dream about that before. Right? No, I must have, but... That would be...impertinent of me...”

Hinata’s features pinched up. “Really? Nagito, I’m your _boyfriend_.”

Nagito immediately started giggling at that, the sound strained. “You are, aren’t you? But you could just be dating me because I’m easy, Hinata-kun.”

_Easy? A frustrating guy like you?_ “What do you...mean?”

“I _mean_ ,” Nagito stressed the syllable out through his teeth and a smile. “I’m _easy_. I’ll let you do whatever you want with me—and I won’t complain even a little. Right? Because that’s the least I could do? And the most I’m good for anyway? And for someone like Hinata-kun, isn’t that a relief?”

“That...” Hinata never felt colder. Suddenly the plushness of the bed seemed like it would swallow him up, stained sheets and all. He says, far too quietly. “That’s not....”

“But Hinata-kun’s kind. You can’t just take and take without feeling guilty. Even though I don’t mind at all.” His smile widens. A firm yet oh so delicate curve on a sharp, porcelain face. “That’s what this was about, wasn’t it? You felt guilty.”

_That’s not-!_

“But it’s okay! It’s really, really nothing to worry about!!” Nagito’s face twists as he laughs—Hinata’s too worried to look away but also too scared to really register how that _looks_ on him. “I mean, it’s just me, right? There’s no need—no need whatsoever to pretend I deserve even the slightest pretense of equality. Hinata-kun may have his weaknesses—they’re really pathetic ones too, yes—but I’m so much worse that even compared to Hinata-kun, I’m...”

“Nagito.” Even he’s surprised at how level he sounds. At how Nagito instantly stills, blinking those pretty eyes at him, back to looking like...Nagito. The Nagito he’d been fixated on for so, so long. His boyfriend. “Nagito, none of that is true.”

“Haa?” His head tilts like a bird. He blinks a few more times, quicker little beats that made Hinata wonder. “Hinata-kun, that much denial isn’t healthy, you know. You really should be more open with yourself. Even the unsavory bits. I don’t mind.”

“That’s...half-right.” He’ll concede that much. “But, Nagito, if that’s going to happen... You need to talk to me too.”

“Talk? How about I suck you off instead? I mean, that’s what you just did so it seems only fair.” Adjusting himself, pressing his hands into the surface of the bed. Crawling towards him with a kind of damning innocence as Nagito looked up at him from those lowered, snowy-white lashes. “Wouldn’t that make _spilling_ it easier?” Then, smiling so fondly and so sweetly. “I think it would. I’m a little tired, Hinata-kun, but I can make it a little...”

“Nagito...” The name fell from his lips unbidden. Nagito frowns.

“Don’t say it like that. Especially not with that face. You’re starting to worry me, Hinata-kun.”

“You know that the real reason why I date you...” With the other staring at him so quietly, so expectantly, Hinata’s voice can’t help but drop to a quieter, but so much steadier volume. “It’s because I really _like_ you. A lot. I might even be in love with you or something...”

“Wrong.”

“...Huh?”

“Wrong. Hinata-kun’s got it wrong.” Nagito says, almost sing-songs, and he pushes himself away. “You’re really confused, but it’s understandable. Maybe it’s because my own love for Hinata-kun has been bleeding into our activities? Oh dear, so it’s my fault after all. I’ve overcomplicated things. You really should be more careful around me, Hinata-kun.”

And Hinata finally snaps, reaching out to take him by the shoulders and yanks him back.

“Will you just _listen to me_?!” he exclaims loudly, practically shouting in his face. “You tell me to pay attention to you and I do, Nagito—I try to pick up on things and I’m sorry I’m no good at just figuring out everything without being need to told things, but...! Part of being in a relationship is that we both communicate! That we’re both equal! Right? _Right_?! You’re not an exception to that!”

Nagito stares blankly back, and then, there’s that flicker in his gaze. That falter that has Hinata lose his steam and loosen his grip.

“I...” Hinata hesitates, but pushes himself to continue regardless. “Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work? You’re always...so at ease otherwise, Nagito... I want to be like that with you, too... But just having sex isn’t enough. We really need to talk.”

“Doesn’t the inside of your mouth already taste of sour bitterness and bad decisions?” Nagito retorts, albeit feebly. “I’m really amazed you can keep talking like this.”

He can’t help but laugh. It sounds rough and doesn’t feel quite right. But it’s something.

“Wow, you’re an ass. But hey, talking can straighten that out.”

“That didn’t work out so well for me in the past. Being straightened out.” He sounded surprisingly bitter himself. Hinata perked up.

“Is...” His mouth does feel dry. It really shouldn’t. “Is it too much to ask if you can talk about that?”

Nagito’s mouth shuts, lips pursing before pulling into a smile. His eyes are completely unreadable, and all he does is nod.

“Okay...” Hinata’s voice shakes and he nods back even though he doesn’t understand it at all. For some reason, despite not understanding, he feels something akin to dread. “O-Okay we can start somewhere else then... Alright? Nagito?”

His boyfriend remains silent. Hinata forces himself to continue, stammering. “C-Come on... Let’s talk. It can be about anything. So, uh... As long as you start, whatever it is... I don’t...”

He flinches when Nagito draws closer to him, and then his brain stutters to a stop at the same time his words trail off when his boyfriend buries his face into his shoulder, sigh cold against his skin.

“I’m tired. Can’t I just sleep, Hinata-kun?”

Hinata blinked and then grimaced deeply. Despite himself, he still strokes the other’s hair and presses a kiss to his crown.

“Can we talk later then?” he asks, low and gently as though the question itself was at risk of falling apart. “Can you promise me that, at least?”

“Let’s break up instead, Hinata-kun,” Nagito suggests, nuzzling into his shoulder with a giggle. “Rather than be boyfriends, let’s just be friends instead. With benefits. Doesn’t that sound so much better?”

Hinata pushed him off with a growl. Nagito kept smiling brightly at him like he wasn’t affected in the slightest. In that moment, Hinata felt sick—but in the next, he just felt sad, pulling the other back into his arms and hugging Nagito tightly against himself as though he could squeeze at least some semblance of sense out of this nonsensical situation.

“How the hell can you ask me something like that so _easily_?” he wonders, firmly shaking his head. “That’s messed up. You’re so messed up, Nagito. At least _try_ to work with me here. Is that really so difficult?”

Nagito hums, blinking before pulling back. Hinata lets him, even as he’s clearly dismayed about it, but that dismay is wiped away in a flash with surprise as Komaeda kisses him hard before pinning him down.

“N-Nagito?” he barely gets out as Komaeda just coyly giggles at him. He freezes up, shivering as delicate fingertips stroke his face, a thumb stroking over his lips. “Nagito, I don’t... Stop... This isn’t funny.”

“I think it’s quite amusing,” Komaeda answers matter-of-factly. “Hinata-kun, you say you love me—but you’ve been insulting me and now you’re looking a little...afraid? That’s silly. You’re so silly, Hinata-kun.”

“Nagito...!”

“That’s fear. That’s definitely fear.” His cheerful tone lowers into something colder, though that smile never fades. “Jeez. You weren’t nearly this anxious sucking me off. See, Hinata-kun, this is why I suggested we just be friends with benefits. Maybe ‘friends’ is too much to ask for? Or, oh, maybe you no longer find me attractive...? That’s fine, too. I can disappear from your life if you want.”

Hinata grabbed his wrist hard enough to bruise.

“No?” Komaeda asks with that innocent-looking tilt of his head, even though the look he’s given makes the answer obvious. “Oh, what a fiery gaze, Hinata-kun. It seems you really are passionate, at least.” He can’t help but laugh again, bright and chipper. “That’s what I love about you, Hianta-kun. You may not be the best with words—but your looks say it all! I can’t get enough of such an ah, _ardent_ expressions...”

“Nagito...” This time the name is said warningly with a bit of a hiss. It’s more of a scolding than any kind of threat. Despite holding onto his wrist so tightly—there’s more desperation in that grip than anything. Komaeda can pick up on that much, as much of an idiot he can be sometimes.

It’s enough that his smile does fade into something sadder.

“Please, Hinata-kun, let’s break up. Because I...” Bumping his forehead to Hinata’s, his chuckle a lot more rueful, the words taste so sour even as he can’t help spilling them from his lips. “I’m not...going to tell you anything? And what kind of relationship is that? Hey, if you want me to stay with you, I don’t mind. Really. But it’s for the best that you don’t expect so much from someone like me.”

“So you can’t or won’t just talk to me?” Hinata does ask, and it’s obvious he’s frustrated and worried. “Do you just need more time? I can wait.... I’ll wait however long it takes.”

“You’re really too good for me,” he simply lamented with a sigh before laying against his chest, ear to that fluttering heartbeat. Hinata squeezes his wrist, and says his name again, and to that, Komaeda shakes his head against him.

It really is kind of unsettling. But it’s not like he can really say he expected anything else.


End file.
